2. She could be sleeping off an epic 2 day hangover, sponsored by Patron, Grand Marnier, and, um ... Diet Coke? Or something. Who remembers such nonsense. Whatever it was, it took more than a 20-hour single serving of sleep, DiGiorno's Stuffed Crust Pizza, Purple Gatorade, Ruffles and French Onion Dip. Another life lesson for the kiddies: Four PBRs are probably enough, and there is no reason an adult-aged person should go to an afterbar.
3. She could be busy starting an electronica/experimental band with her boyfriend. Starting with a MySpace presence and segueing into downloading iPhone apps with funky, fresh beats.
4. She probably forgot she has a blog. This is not out of the question, even after more than six years Dear Diary-ing all over the internet. She also seems to have forgotten that she reads book-books, without pictures, where the conversations are wrapped in quotation marks, not bubbles.
5. What if she is bereft over the loss of Leslie Nielsen? After all, the Naked Gun series is still the standard by which she judges all other humor.
6. Her boyfriend has potentially found a name for what ails her, and it is called "Acute fascination with the body horror genre." If it wasn't illegal in the tri-county area, she would probably watch "Hellraiser" at least three more times before reluctantly sending the DVD back to Netflix. (Hopefully by then "Black Swan" will be at a theater in her zip code).
7. I bet she's bored of words. And cooking. And running. And anything more than nightly episodes of "Entourage," and cookies that taste like orange and lemon zest.
8. Some people can get awfully caught up in trying to eat as many orange-ish brown foods in one sitting is possible. Would the sir like a side of Tator Tots with these fake Chick'n Nuggies?
9. Other people get super busy growing out their hair. So they can be shirt optional. Like "Splash."*