Tuesday, December 30, 2008

danger ranger ...

tonight i was on a treadmill, and a woman came in toting a car seat filled with what appeared to be a small, infant girl in a puffy pink snow suit. the woman placed the bundle in front of her treadie and began running.

in case you were wondering, i was listening to the ting tings just to mix it up.

this was fun. it gave me something to look at that was not monday night football or the bush of sweaty hair on the neck of a cyclist in front of me, a patch that looked like magnum pi's mustache after a sweltering go-round in a hot tub.

the puff ball sat quietly, watching whatever popped up in a 6-inch radius of her squishy face, muted briefly by a thumb sized hunk of rubber that she kicked out while making a face that suggested she'd had lunch at taco bell.

i suddenly became very skittish about this person laying on the floor. what if a stirup from a stationery bike whapped her in the head? what if my treadmill tipped over? what if one of those zitbacks saw the cardio sign and thought it said creatine and accidentally wandered over and stepped on her?

i was seeing danger even in the towel dangling from a handlebar 10 feet from her head. well, i thought, at least the cardio area is fairly safeish, i guess.

when the marshmallow finally whinnied, her mom jumped off the treadie to tend to her. she had toned legs, sculpted to something that rivaled mount rushmore. i'm guessing she gets these .25 mile intervals in anywhere and everywhere she can.

then the woman moved her baggage to the nautilus equipment. this made me a little more uneasy. not that a hip flexor is going to come unwelded [dewelded?] but what if the multitasking mom accidentally went max-out on the hamstring fixer and sent that car seat sailing? visions of cotton candy caught in the spokes of a rowing machine, that's what i was having.

still, the mom was closer to the ground on the nautilus equipment, and i tried to hold on to that.

THEN SHE WENT INTO THE FREE WEIGHT AREA AND I HAD TO LEAVE.

this story is not any sort of judgement on the mom. as you have probably noticed from the fact that none of my bra cups have snaps or zippers or whatever, i don't have children. but i do have a raging case of imagination.

the moral of the story is that there is not enough bubble wrap in the world for me to have children.

10 comments:

Beverly said...

Did she leave the baby in the snowsuit inside the gym? That's what I'm shaking my head about. That would be really hot.
It might surprise you to know that I didn't know there was such a thing as a nursing bra until about a month before my first kid was born. And look at me today!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, but it sounds like you might be becoming mom material. Many moms aquire the ability to imagine the worst possible outcome in any situation and become irrationally fearful that it will happen. I'm one of those moms. Yesterday my kids were running around playing tickle monster with their aunt and I had to go down to the basement and stick my fingers in my ears because I was postitive one of them was going to wipe out on the hardwood and get a head injury, slam their fingers in a door, or have their arms dislocated when my sister was swinging them around. It's a sickness, this motherhood thing. Takes years off your life.

Sproactually said...

So I came for the whole bra discussion, but will comment on children, at last count I still had 3, I took new pictures of them a couple of years ago, to put them on E-Bay, but apparently teenagers have less resale value then say a full size SUV has today.

Kids are terrifying, they require constant attention until about 8 years old, then a few years of peace occur, then they become teens and your need a full time security staff. At least your observations show that you exhibit a modicum of common sense, something that seams to be missing from a great deal of parents I observe. Not everyone will be a parent, I am friends with a married couple that don't have kids, and 15 years ago, I couldn't understand that. Now I do. They are also, still married.

Now, i don't know the women's story, but at least she didn't leave her child in the car, the locker room, home or with some crack head friends. And she is taking care of herself, which will help her deal with an infant. So in a way I applaud her efforts at trying to find a balance and not making a baby an excuse. But the free weights would have put me over the top as well.

Krupskaya said...

This is hilarious.

tamara said...

I didn't know about nursing bras either until the lactation nurse came in and told me about them!

And ditto to you, Beverly, for the kid in snowsuit in gym. Poor baby. (btw, why haven't you updated your blog?!? I can't take those creepy kid photos anymore!)

I can totally hear this conversation taking place on the mom's cell phone post-workout: "yeah, like me and little Neveah went to the gym. Yeah, she had a great time. She, like, really enjoyed watching me max out on my 90 lb grunt and jerk! It was really great bonding time for me and the girl. Ooh, now we're going to go to McDonald's. Yeah, like, bye."

Sorry, but the more I think about it, the more it bothers me that she brought the baby to the gym like that. Bonding, anyone?

CDP said...

Before I had kids, I was leaving a store and a lady pulled up and parked out front, with the engine running and her sleeping baby in the back seat. I had to sit there and wait for her to come out; I couldn't just leave that kid in a running car. She was in the store for like ten minutes. That was 15 years ago; she'd probably get arrested today. Then, it didn't occur to me to call a cop, I just thought that she was an idiot.

Miss Kate said...

Once that baby reaches crawling age, she'll be in far more danger than at the Y.

Cute story!

chuck said...

Uh. I'm no baby expert but I think wrapping one in bubble wrap is just about the *worst* thing you could do.

Beret said...

I don't know why my name didn't register...I'm "anonymous" above.

I know how hard it can be to find time to exercise when you have little ones. I actually congratulate her for taking the baby with her. I wouldn't judge her on that, but I, too, would have been nervous imagining all kinds of scenarios where the kid could get hurt.

When I go to Canal Park in the summer I get faint just seeing some people letting their kids sit up on the pier to watch the boats go by. My heart starts racing as I imagine one of them falling into the water.

Kristabella said...

I'm pretty sure your worries and fears about that child are more than some parents in the world have.

I would have been all "well, for fuck's sake! Now I have to turn up my iPod because the baby is going to cry and totally kill my workout."

Which is why I should never have kids.