Monday, October 13, 2008

splenda and the spontaneous flusher ...

[today at a starbucks near you]
customer: excuse me, but what is the best thing to eat in this case?
barista: um. the bran muffins are good. or the croissant--
customer [interupting]: no. no. like of the desserts.
barista: i don't know, maybe the marble cake? i don't really eat that stuf--
customer [points at something oozy goozy and chocolatey]: is that good?
barista: yes. that looks good.
customer: good. i'll take one of those.

shuffles over to the cash register.
customer: and i'd like an iced soy latte.
different barista: what size.
customer: how many shots of espresso are in there?
different barista: depends on the size. either six, four or two.
customer: what sizes do you have?
different barista: we have short, grande and venti.
customer: will you show me the sizes?
different barista shows her sizes.
customer [points at venti]: and this one is the gran-day?
different barista: no. it's a venti.
customer: how many shots does a venteeee have?
different barista: six.
customer: i'll have that. do you have artificial sweeteners?
different barista: yes.
customer grabs a handful of splenda packets.
customer: good. can you put splenda in my drink before the whip cream? i don't want the splenda to ruin my whip cream.

[barista smirks at me over the counter]

different barista: yes.
customer: okay. good. so i want a grand-day iced soy lat---
different barista: I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

***

in other news, today i crammed a meter full of 2 hours worth of quarters like they were twinkies and the coin slot was an emaciated anorexic i was trying to save. when i returned an hour and 50 minutes later i had a ticket. i'd tenderly administered quarters to the meter next to mine.

also, i seem to have trouble getting the shampoo out of my ears. today i pulled a nickel-size rosemary mint flavored scab out of the crease in my left ear.

***

i also found a nice quiet public bathroom stall with a spontaneous flusher that initiated gushes three times before i had gotten through a single text message. i felt like i was in france.

6 comments:

Beverly said...

I have a story about those automatic flushers that would only be funny in the darkest of comedies. I'm a terrible person for thinking it's funny, but I can't help it.
With that, I'm on to the next blog ...

Sproactually said...

ahh... a courtesy flush.

feistyMNgirl said...

you are a complicated orderer. i like that.

hey, that toilet is wasting water...not very sustainable...

Whiskeymarie said...

We have automatic flushers here at work. I am embarrassed to say that I have walked away from the toilet at home (assuming it would flush) more times than I care to admit. USUALLY I remember to go back. Not always.

Also, I held my hands under a faucet for a good 30 seconds today, waiting for it to start so I could wash my hands. Not an automatic faucet, it seems.

Technology is ruining my life.

My poor husband.

christina said...

oh that wasn't me ordering that. i'm just a tall black coffee with no room for cream. no soy. no ice. no splenda. i was an innocent bystander.

Nick said...

ohgod that scab comment made me nauseous!