Wednesday, October 1, 2008

eat some salad [for the love of christ] ...

most days, when i wake up, my first thought is: crap. i have to go for a run. my second thought is: shit. am i hung over?

the hangover thing is a weird dream where i can't stand up and i stumble and i can't think straight and the gravity is intense. i have it about every four nights. when i'm not busy having the dream where my teeth are falling out.

i think it is muscle memory from my 20s.

on sunday morning, i definitely had the genuine article, though. it was legit. more than a dream. it was true. any standing i was doing took sheer force of will. and when i realized my car was 10 blocks away, my phone was broken, my keys were missing and the online bus schedule wasn't working, things got severe. i probably sighed. i may have cursed the cruel world. i definitely layed on the couch pondering.

i may have considered it a 'bad day.'

***

i went to a bachelorette party on saturday night. i struggle to call it that. my friend bubbles, who is getting married in like two weeks, will have an actual bachelorette party this weekend. but we wanted a duluth version.

the duluth version will always be harsher than any st. cloud state graduates can follow ... believe it or not. a) this was coed. b) we live in duluth. c) we can drink harder than any "suck for a buck" shirt can dictate. d) put that tiara away.

when we got to the party, chuck was shuffled into the basement. we -- the girls -- played a pretty wholesome bachelorette party game for awhile, no one understood the rules except for jcrew, who had downloaded the rules off the internet and screamed those rules at the top of her perfectly perky lungs.

when we changed the rules to make more sense, she grew confused. and ... louder? no one noticed. everyone had gotten shitface within about 8 minutes. stupid wine.

and then there was the exotic dancer, grinding on air to george michael. as the other boys came upstairs.


the greeter with the norwegian wonder.[the norwegian wonder is probably drinking water. she does not recognize booze]



then dude attacked. his happy preggers wife was at home in two harbors in bed.

me and chuck.

me and chuck and a goblet.



here is the bride to be, cutely hating something foul.

and then i went arty on her. it took us four shots to get this kinda close.

me, bubbles and jcrew.

my friend the punk rock girl and dude ... whose wife is still at home carrying his child and sleeping and not at the party. in two harbors. are you pissed for her? we all should be. we should also be pissed that he DIDN'T DRINK HARDLY AT ALL AND WAS A TOTAL DAD! buzz kill.luckily he pulled some designated driver duties, the fun sucker.

curly and her new husband. they are the cutest people in the world. love looks like this. we like them.

love does not like this either. jcrew? why sit on my boyfriend? poor guy.



love ALSO does not look like this. she mauled me. it was a fun half hour. we had a huge photo shoot where i chomped on her hair seductively.those photos are too ridiculous for publication. but laugh with me. they are hilar.



here is the mysterious dancer and le leche. [her name used to be beegee. i'm changing it. actually, she knew the alternative and suggested the change. for those keeping track at home: BEE GEE IS LE LECHE NOW! and we all like her lots because we can beat her at word twist, but not scrabble.]



here is me and le leche ... and a goblet.


... and then me and bubbles.

it was a totally fun night, but for about two days afterward i could feel my spleen. one should not feel her internal organs throbbing when she wakes. this concerned me.

later i was reminded that we all, as drunk adult idiots, stood on the porch reciting robert frost poetry in elementary school children voices. the whole sing songy "natures first green is gold" poem. that "stay gold pony boy" nonsense.

also. jcrew started her hair on fire reaching for something on the buffet table. that smell was worse than sticking my head in the belly of a whale. but she made up for it by falling asleep with a hot pocket in her mouth and waking seven hours later. still alive.

i've decide that october is now oct-sober.

in octsober i will do this:

1. read as much david foster wallace as is possible. an independent study, post college. even though reading him is like watching british sitcoms.

you're like: i know this is english, but i don't get it. maybe after some time ... i'm reading 'a supposidely fun thing ...' right now it's not working. i'm going to keep trying.

2. run my ass off.

3. eat some salads, for the love of christ.



9 comments:

Miss Kate said...

1. The house that the party took place in? So cute! FANTASTIC paint colors. I don't know why I have to tell you that, but there you go.

2. Your friends look like so much fun.

3. Pass on a big congratulations to Bubbles from me! I hope her other party doesn't take place in SC. Eew.

CDP said...

Read "The Broom of the System" before "A Supposedly Fun Thing" and "Infinite Jest".

nanners said...

it was a small bite of cheeseburger leanpocket. and the fire started by leaning into a candle. and i don't appreciate you posting those terrible pictures of me.

Whiskeymarie said...

For a minute, I was a bit frightened that your "stripper" was this dude that goes by the name of "Hollywood" and is possibly the only male stripper in Duluth. But, then I remember you said it was a friend of yours and all was right with the world.
NO ONE needs to see Hollywood in a g-string, that's all I'm sayin'...

Amy said...

i've got "infinite jest" if you've got ten years to read it. i've also got "system of the broom" if you want you can borrow it.

Beverly said...

I beat you at Word Twist that one time.

Kristabella said...

Good luck with Octsober.

I think those goblets are awesome. And now I want some wine.

feistyMNgirl said...

fun party- what a cast of characters.

so, where did you get the red peep-toe shoes? i NEED those. pronto.

christina said...

the shoes are bandolino. i got them at younkers at the beginning of the summer. definitely faves of mine.