this is an outtake from a photo i used earlier this week.
i had a very strict week of productivity planned and it was all derailed by tall ships, cheese curds and hairball. i am once again grounded and not allowed to leave the table until i've finished my vegetables until further notice.
THINGS WATCHED FEATURING TORI SPELLING
"the today show": this is the first time i've seen her interviewed with her straight-to-dvd husband, deano. he strikes me as falsely cheesy, with fantastic taste in eyeware.
big news: a second book and tori plans on joining the cast of 90210.
"the view": these are definitely tori's people. she does well on a couch with a bunch of clucking and shrieking crazies. these hard-hitters are asking her how she can trust her husband, considering they met when they were married to other people. yowch. considering that in the one episode of tori and dean that i've seen, tori almost beans him with an oxygen tank because she thinks he is carrying on with his scuba instructor, i'd say -- oh snap. between that and a story about her 17 month-old smelling new baby stella's feet, millions of women viewing at home spontaneously got their period.
"are you there vodka, it's me chelsea" by chelsea handler: fresh off a fantastic reading of "my horizontal life," i expected more of the same. instead it is a hastily scrawled stand-up routine that includes a love-letter to midgets. whereas "my horizontal life" was fresh and funny, this was exhausting with long-winded stories that go off-roading just for the sake of one joke. per usual, good oneliners.
"suicide blonde" by darcey steinke: packed with that 90s angsty my-parents-got-divorced feel, where people wander through grimey bars and dark alleys smoking cigarettes, drinking bourbon and excavating their pasts for someone to blame for how they feel and their inability to make genuine connections.
i like when the contents of the refrigerator are described and it ends with ... 'half a tomato that was losing muscle tone.' the dialogue is just left of hipster introspection. take "reality bites" wrap it in kurt cobain's flannel, fill it with heroin and add naked people. captures the period well.
"black books" season one: this is a british sitcom about the misanthropic, heavy drinking owner of an independent bookstore, a former accountant turned bookseller named manny and the owner of a neighboring knick knack shop named fran. it is as exhausting as all sitcoms, but also had the greatest lines i've ever heard on tv [not necessarily verbatim, but possibly]:
manny: should i wash my beard?
bernard: i think you should wash it, then shave it off, glue it to a frisbee and throw it over a rainbow.
"batman begins" : i wish "dark knight" would have had this kind of bruce wayne versus batman development. not just because christian bale's poreless cheeks look like a nice place to go sledding. but a little bit.
MEALS TAKEN IN PUBLIC
burrito union, chorizo con queso: i'd say that 75 percent of the time when we go out to dinner, the restaurant "just ran out" of whatever i want to order. most recently, i wanted my weekly dose of union nachos and to do a bit of writing at burrito union. they nacho cooker was fried, so i went with chorizo con queso ... a soupy dip not unlike something found in a glass jar next to the doritos at your local ghetto spur gas station. i'd actually asked for a visual the last time i was at BU because it sounded good, but it also sounded like a gunky mess of chunks. both proved to be true. it's good. it filled my cheese craving. but it was light on taste and hard to look at as i ate it. that said, i was also writing a post about chuck barfing at the street dance as i grazed, so this may have been operator error.
as long as we're talking about burrito union, i have a complaint: whenever i go in here alone to eat and write i am ignored. someone will usually smile at me. someone may wash the table next to mine. but it always takes at least 15 minutes for someone to decide to ask me if i want anything. "a menu?" i said. and the girl looked at me like i had asked for a tall frosty mug of axe body spray and if we could be friends on myspace.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"everything that i've eaten today came out of a trailer and the only thing that didn't came out of a boat." -- chuck, thursday.
gratuitous photo of an egg bagal