Monday, March 31, 2008

thousands of armpits can't be wrong ...



last week was rife in mediocrity, except for live music-wise. live music-wise, i've now got a bad case of homegrown fever and there isn't a strong-enough smelling armpit in a thousand pizza luce audiences to cure it. also, this week, i've decided to incorporate fannie's opinions on reality tv -- mostly because i think the current bachelor would totally love her if he knew her. as for these glasses, just don't you worry your pretty head about them.

FOODS [not] MADE BY ME
rice fried vegetables [via vegetarian times]: technically chuck made this. i just made the rice. in a rice cooker. while he read the rice cooker instructions to me. but if you are the sort of person who enjoys watching your boyfriend chop up lots and lots of green vegetables, you will love this. i guess i also fried the egg to a sort of omelet with the aplomb of a person with spatulas instead of limbs.


MEALS TAKEN IN PUBLIC
"hells kitchen": it has taken me awhile to get to one of our newish restaurants because i heard the most horrifying story about one diner's experience. we're talking urban legend proportions. like, the only thing that would scare me more than having this particular story happen to me would involve swimming, mushrooms, basements and unplanned pregnancy.

but i have a short attention span for being revolted out of my mind, so we decided to give it a shot and i managed to have the most mediocre entree i've had since the last time i ate a lean cuisine. i had the ham and pear crisp, which apparently jane and michael stern feature in one of their cookbooks, meaning i will never be able to listen to the splendid table again without silently judging these "experts." it was basically a ham and cheese sandwich that looked like i'd left it in my purse for a few days. and you KNOW i know what that looks like.

the sweet potato fries, however, were great. [i'm really getting into those little buggers. these are served with a restaurant-made chipotle sauce that was pretty good. hell's kitchen also makes its own ketchup, which was also good.]

for dessert i had habinero and mango ice cream. it doesn't taste spicy, per se, but your tongue burns while cooling itself on the cold. i liked it, although my senses were a bit dulled since i'd also had a habinero-flavored beer with dinner. [also okay. it was more watered down than the brewhouse's jalapino beer, and for some reason tasted like they had added a shot of vodka to it.]

chuck had a reuben that was stacked with so much meat that only a muppet-mouth could possibly clamp down on that sucker. i took to calling it "the wall of meat." he ate half of it with a fork, and put the other half in my trunk, where i'm guessing it will become a great wall of stinking mold that i won't find until national "watch me buy a jeep!" day.

i will go back, but just because i want to try the lemon ricotta hotcakes. if those rival tv dinners, the sterns are officially dead to me.

ONLINE

bret easton ellis feature, via fimoculous, via la times: i never tire of reading or reading about bret easton ellis. this story is about how he has never gotten positive attention from critics. i, of course, think he's a freakin' genius ... although i'm still holding an epic '80s grudge for not being old enough to go to a less than zero house party.

eschew review: nyt's story on words overused in book reviews. i'm guilty of "compelling." luckily i'd never be able to use "eschew" in a sentence.

READING
"things i've learned from women who've dumped me," edited by ben karlin: considering the contributors' bios, i expected this to set a new standard in hilarity: comedians, sitcom writers, the onion, late show scripters. it's actually repetitious, half assed, and largely forgetable. like the writers owed the editor a favor, but not that big of a favor.

now, scanning through names of the different chapters, i can't remember a lick about the story where the guy compares life with his wife to the time he dated a stripper or even the gist of todd hanson's essay "things more majestic and terrible than you could ever imagine."

on the other hand, the good is pretty good. a few, by the writers i alread knew i liked, stood out: neal pollack's story about his cat is fantasticly disgusting and great; and the time dan savage lost his virginity [to a woman] is easy conversational humor. i also liked paul simms' essay "i'm easy" where he clocks how long he maintains a crush on strangers who catch his eye. [45 minutes here, 30 seconds there.] he elicited the biggest laugh of the book with this line: " ... you've ordered your drink and paid; do i really have to stand here for another 45 seconds while you repack your purse, the contents of which you've spilled out on the counter like you're setting up a f-ing yard sale or something?"

TV
"the hills":

* spencer is so patrick bateman. there is totally a head in his freezer and the new york style section pasted to the floor by his couch. he's all listening to huey lewis and the news.

* lauren should be sentenced to wet seal clothes and claire's boutique jewelry and should not be allowed near needles, thread or curling irons. i physically could not watch parts of this hour-long episode, and i'm a strict hoodie sort of person. i'd have passed out if i actually cared about fashion.

* heidi, already a wisp of a person, lost 10 pounds in her face. fannie thinks it was injected into her lips.

* i like how spencer grew out his depression scruff, a few extra scraggles on his face to represent pain.

* whitney says her 'g's weird, but its fine because she is still my favorite character.

"the bachelor" episode 2: are these women more looney than usual? lorenzo lamas' daughter is totally one of those women who would chain bachelor matt to a bedpost, read him scenes from a soap opera she wrote and then feed him pickled pieces of his own spleen. if i were matt, i'd be careful. this may be the season where shayne takes a strand of his hair, a pair of his socks and his used dental floss to do some voodoo pregnancy stew.

my early favorites are robin and amanda.

fannie says it best: "so far i don't like anyone who (a) has sung, danced or played an instrument; (b) is lorenzo lamos' daughter; looks like they're wearing a toga."

TV MARATHONING
"the wire" season three: by far the best season. the rub with the wire -- they make you fall in love with every rogue cop, mid-level drug dealer, crooked politician, bumbling confidential informant, and would-be boxing instructor ... then they shoot him in the face.


THINKING ABOUT
i got the show "benson" stuck in my craw a few days ago. luckily, 31 episodes are available on hulu. you know you want to watch it. or at least download the theme as your new ringtone.

8 comments:

Maurey Pierce said...

I actually like Hell's Kitchen, though I realize I'm in a minority on this. I haven't had a bad meal there yet. The veggie panini is good, the homemade fries, ketchup and peanut butter are nummy, and I LOVE the lemon-ricotta hotcakes. Give 'em a shot.

CDP said...

I don't know how I lived before I married a Korean and acquired a rice cooker by extension.

I actually used the word "eschew" in a paper I wrote last week. I got an 89. Now I wonder if I lost the crucial point that would have made it an "A" paper because my professor perhaps read the article to which you refer. Damn the NYT.

chuck said...

I'm making the theme from Night Court into my new ringtone.

Anonymous said...

that photo is very disturbing.

feistyMNgirl said...

the drinks at Hells' Kitchen are strong, so they help make up for some of the mediocre food.

you look a bit like Kim Yong-il in those glasses.

christina said...

hah! i do look like kim yong il!

Sproactually said...

"the story where the guy compares life with his wife to the time he dated a stripper"

Having been married, and surprisingly later divorced. I have gained knowledge and insight that so few have.

If he thinks he is unhappy with his non-stripper current wife, he is about to learn how to be unhappy, with only half his stuff.

Whiskeymarie said...

I love that photo. You should totally make matching t-shirts of it for you & Chuck & wear them out some night together.

Just a thought.