Tuesday, March 11, 2008

huffing graham cracker crumbs ...


when did i start to resemble an anime version of myself?

in first grade i was sick on jean day, one of the most important days on the school calander. jean day meant trading in plaid jumpers for a pair of size 6x jeans. shirts didn't have to be collared or white. throw a 10 cent box of lemonheads into my pocket and the day had the potential to trump halloween.

sometime before lunch i started to feel better. my mom curled the edges of my bowl cut, and dressed me in a white turtle neck with a light blue oversized button up work shirt over it. i kept it unbuttoned so you could see my tin-clip rainbow suspenders. she gave me a flat box of black licorice-flavored throat losenges, which were shaped like mini bodies of christ. [when i wasn't sick, i used these to play first communion with my friend allison.]

she dropped me off at the curb of the empty playground. running up the steps to the school i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored window of the faculty room. i looked pretty cool. inside, i felt like a hero, prancing into mrs. c's class, written off as sick, but better now with the day half-over. this would be my preferred version of a sick day for the rest of my time in school.

***

i hated being sick in high school, when missing one day could mean missing a tidal shift in the entire social structure. luckily, i had memorized the phone number to the pay phone in the lobby by the gym. at 2:10 p.m., i would call that number. someone would answer and seek out princess linda for me. she would pass the phone around and i could get immediate reports on every glance, inferred wink, lunchroom gaffe and rumor that had occured over the past seven hours.

***

today i am on the mend.

i managed to not get sick when chuck was, even though he got his germs in my hair and in my ears when we were sleeping. no, i got sick because on friday night i went to a house party at sicker mcsickersteins house of the viral spore. an innocent game of cranium infected first my throat, then my head.

the inside of my nose feels like i was huffing graham cracker crumbs. and sometimes it flakes out of my eyeballs.

THINGS I'VE INGESTED TO MAKE THIS PROCESS GO MORE QUICKLY
red machine naked juice
power c naked juice
chicken dumpling soup from erberts and gerberts
upwards of 62 ounces of water a day
australian yogurt
garlic in its many forms
two doses of theraflu
28 honey-lemon cough drops
four dosages of two advil each

6 comments:

chuck said...

When are you going to knit some panda ears for that hat?

J-Money said...

Obviously what you're missing is a box of Jesus lozenges.

The power of Christ compels you...to breathe easier.

CDP said...

I went to Catholic school, too, but 10 years before you...we never got a no-uniform day. You kids don't know how good you had it.

L Sass said...

What makes Australian yogurt different from North American yogurt?

Lauren said...

Was it Wallaby-brand yogurt you ate? I LOVE that stuff. I think it's the texture ... or the flavors ... I dunno, but it's the BEST.

christina said...

yes! it was wallaby. i had the banana flavor and really liked it. although this ruins my answer to "what makes australian yogurt different ..."

i really wanted to say "the fruit is on top." oh well. next time.