* dip into chuck's secret stash of provolone cheese, which i lovingly compress between a toasted everything bagal, beneath a fried egg. [typically i leave his provolone alone -- tee hee -- since he uses it for his lunches, but let's be honest: chuck's food inventory skills are remedial.
* spend five minutes deciding which i should watch first: "quarterlife" or "one tree hill." decide that i prefer to watch "one tree hill" when its darker outside, and opt for the season premiere of "quarterlife," which won my devotion by being about a vlogger and from the people who brought you "thirtysomething."
* call for a hair appointment while maintaining a running e-mail to-and-fro with fanster, who has decided that she is just not that into blond men. word, fannie.
* the hair people can tame the matching puberty mustaches jutting out of control on my forehead in 45 minutes; they can cut my hair in four hours. i accept the inconvenience because it's WEDNESDAY!
* "so ..." eyebrow hotwaxer asks me. "you from duluth?" i've never not been asked this question while getting my aesthetic worked on at this place. "so ... you married? have kids?" is her followup. "no and no," i say. "so you have freetime, then, huh?" she cooes. lately i choose silence. i'm not trying to be mean. i know she is doing her job. but sometimes not answering is more fun for me. i like an awkward silence that i created. besides, this is just a waxing. we are committed for less than 10 minutes. if she were going to cut my hair, i'd tell her my life story and we could hug and exchange beaded bracelets at the end of this.
* i have 37 laps to swim, in a pool filled to lap-swimming capacity. the only thing worse than swimming is sharing a lane. the only thing worse than sharing a lane with one other person, is sharing it with the entire italian national swim team -- who collectively have enough swimsuit material to make a doily for a sock puppet's end tables. i bowed out after 23 laps with a headache. open swimming had begun and the entire cesspool was echoing with screaming toddlers bonking each other with fun noodles. sometimes i wonder why they don't keep emergency toasters and alarm clocks next to the pile of kick boards.
* the shortened swim means i have a few seconds to hit benetton's winter sale. i go ape batshit, throwing thises and thats onto the counter and screaming PUT IT ON MY DEBIT CARD! i got a lot of good stuff for 12 dollars each. it was like benetton broke up with its boyfriend, got wasted, and turned into old navy. its not going to remember anything tomorrow.
* just in time for my haircut. i've decided on a hybrid: diablo cody's reverse bob meets katie holmes' bangs in the world series of love. my hair guy tells me i don't have a long enough neck for this. he also tells me that sometimes women will beg a man for attention. damn near shake their behinds in his face to get him to look at her. when he finally gives her a glance, she will run off and say to her friends "oh him? he hit on me."
* to the grocery store and home, where i turn avacado and chickpeas into taco salad and firm tofu into dessert. and never once turn on the stove. magic. all while watching "one tree hill."
* my hybrid looks more like bedhead.
* i read part of a book, and 15 minutes later chuck comes home.
next up: THURSDAY!