i was still spooning a pillow and marinating in a gin-flavored sweat friday afternoon when chuck, who was on his way out the door for work, said the single greatest sentence i've ever dared to imagine: if you want, you can hang out here today and watch the food network.
here, readers, i confess i feigned more fatigue, more ache than i felt when i groggily thanked him. smiled wanly as if to say "that sounds nice ... but who knows if i'll even be able to get out of bed." think hungover eyore. but honestly, i'd be damned if i'd let this opportunity be bastardized by any damage that final tall glass of gin and squirt could do to my body.
because chuck's apartment is great when chuck is in it. but it is a different kind of great when he's not. for instance, he doesn't like to watch the hills. he saw half an episode and deleted it, i repeat, DELETED it from tivo. he actually gave it a thumbs down.
if we ever get in a fight, don't think i won't mention that oversight, his tivo or not. it will go like this: ... yeah, well, you gave the hills a thumbs down ...
i waited a discrete amount of time -- probably 7-9 seconds -- from when i heard the door close, before i sprang out of bed and boogied into his living room. no pants. wifebeater. a 32 ouncer of fruit punch gatorade, a cozy couch, the whole world wide web within reach. i was probably already eyeballs deep in the cable guide before he reached the highway.
then the conundrum:
an america's next top model marathon from 2005 on mtv?
goodfellows on amc
the food network
additionally, i had a new book to read, it was nice outside and chuck has an amazing deck with an amazing chair.
this conessueur of leisure was having a bit of fun-factor overload. i did what you'd do. i panicked.
i didn't want to spend all of my time on one fun and miss the other funs. i surveyed the cable guide. decided on mtv, where you can never NEVER go wrong. but i had goodfellas on the "last channel" button. sometimes i'd get caught up in one, sometimes the ohter. and sporadically i'd burst off the couch and run outside and read a paragraph.
it was. exhausting.
i ordered pizza and sent chuck serial texties. i couldn't lay off the exclamation point, no matter how much i tried. i just ordered a pizza! to your house!!! i'm watching goodfellas! it's your favorite part!!! then i'm on the deck. READING!!!!!
finally it was so fun that it was almost boringly fun. i didn't want to leave because i knew it would be weird to come back. you know. leave his apartment. do something in the world. unlock his door. come back inside. but, to be honest, i reaked. i needed a shower. my hair sucked and smelled like the pioneer. but i kind of liked the idea of using chuck's axe hangover shower gel and degree for men. but his shower takes a certain element of skill to navigate the temperature and i can't reach his shampoo and ...
there was pizza. cheese bread and a deck. and america's next top model.
my fucking head was going to explode. in a good way.
i wanted to read! i wanted to eat! i wanted to watch moving pictures on non local programming! i wanted to send texties with exclamation points!!!!
seriously. if i'd found the food network, i wouldn't even be able to write this blogpost. food shows. food magazines. i may not cook. it's still my porn.
eventually chuck called. during the america's next top model season finale. he was on his way home. early. i was a little embarrassed that i was still there. he didn't seem to care. but mostly i was excited.
so i wikipedia'd the winner. nicole. thank god.
"if you weren't here, and she won, i'd have cried," i confessed to chuck. "and if she'd lost, i'd probably have cried harder. ... i'm just glad she won."
he gave me a pitying look. he, afterall, as everyday access to things like america's next top model. not that he'd watch it. he fucking deleted "the hills."
anyway. whatever. we walked down to watch ferris bueller's day off at leif erikson park. the word "charming" kept coming to mind when i surveyed the scene. so many people. i watched 12 year old boys and wondered if they got the funny. when sloane and ferris kiss, they gave each other an uncomfortable look. they laughed at the word "fucker" though.
chuck and i laughed our asses off. i wanted a corn dog. speedie weinie didn't have one.
it was a good day.