Saturday, July 7, 2007

when life imitates the sims ...

the big-boned rat-faced circus freak didn't greet me at the door when i got home on thursday afternoon. "this is it," i thought. "i've finally accidentally killed my illegitimate cat with dart glares and the pure power of hatred."

then i realized that sometime between the hours of 7 p.m. wednesday and 2 p.m. thursday, the door to my spare bedroom/library/glorified tent had blown shut, trapping the little sucker in a room with less electricity than laura ingalls wilder's treehouse.

i felt a little bad. but only in that way that you feel a twinge of sympathy when something bad happens to a bad person. i wouldn't want to be trapped in that room, so i can see how it sucked for toonses. on the other hand, once i realized he didn't eat anything nonedible, nor whiz on anything that doesn't clump, i decided it served him right.

if my life where a go-round of the game the sims, i'd have maybe pulled such a stunt on purpose.

that night, as i explained toonses' camping trip, i had my cell phone trapped between my ear and my shoulder. he walked across my lap, leaving a paw print in my cover girl age defying makeup. i guess we're even.

WITNESSED ON A 2-MILE WALK AT BAR CLOSE
-- one college boy knocking on another college boys door and giving him the universal sign for "dude? what gives? let me in." [this is a shrug-like gesture]
-- a kid playing electric guitar on the stone stage at leif erikson park. three or four of his friends watching. three of his friends carrying bags of beer down the path to join him.
-- a couple standing in the weeds near the fitger's parking ramp, seemingly searching each other's hair for ticks. this looked suspiciously like a sexual encounter of the faux wilderness kind.
-- a pretty friendly young 20-something stumbling down the street.
"hello!" he chirped.
he had more than just a weinie dollop wetting the front of his khakis. no, this was a full-fledged pee incident.
-- a grand mass of young people standing outside of dubh linn and one middle-aged pervert in the midst of the pack not-so-subtly ogling the oglable.
-- three men on a street corner. one still holding a glass filled with the drink. i asked one for a light. in the time it took him to reach into his pocket, he forgot my request and instead pulled out his cell phone. "noooo," i reminded him. "lighter."


HOGAN'S HERO
i'd like to publicly thank brother pista for sending a photo of their new dog, hogan, without at any point in the email referring to him as my nephew or to me as "an auntie again." nicely played, brother pista.



DEEP GOLDEN TAN
today i was smoking on chuck's back deck when i heard his neighbor's hammock creaking, so i poked my eyes around the side of the house and was blessed with this visual of summery goodness.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Please God, tell me that is the mayor.

Flenker said...

I've had some great moments on walks home after bar close, but none of them involve a Leif Erikson park, so I think you win.

feistyMNgirl said...

what a great way to end a night- seeing all that on your walk home.

and that view from the back porch- whew. a guy should need a permit to wear one of those things...