Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Barbie and the Big Red Dog ...


I have had a photo saved in my phone of a naked man's keister with the legs of a Barbie doll sticking out of it. I wasn't proud of it, but there it was among the endless pictures of The Girl on swings and What I had for Lunch.

That's a lie. I was terribly proud of it. It's from a scene in a super stupid movie that seemingly borrowed liberally and poorly in tone and format from the TV show "Scrubs." This was one of the medical situations dealt to the characters in the comedy. We were in some kind of mood when we saw it. I laughed myself turquoise and had Chuck pause the scene so I could capture this image and text it to CHRISSIE!

She never really got into it -- not the first time I sent it, not the 12th time I sent it and none of the times that Chuck sent it to her either. In fact, I have to imagine that she thought it was annoying, this stark hairy butt and those tan little doll legs kicking their way to freedom. Again. Again. And again.

Sometimes it's only important that I think something is funny. Actually, usually.

I realized recently that I didn't have the photo anymore. It had been accidentally deleted. Luckily Chuck had a copy, so he re-sent it to me so I again had it at the ready in case I needed some high comedy.

Tuesday's storytime at the library was a big one. There was an event tie-in, so the place was crawling with toddlers and Clifford the Big Red Dog and Champ, UMD's mascot, made an appearance. This isn't the kind of thing I consider a photo op. I knew The Girl wouldn't stand next to either mascot alone and I didn't want to be all selfie about it. Plus, aesthetically speaking, this just isn't my jam. Fun, yes. Keepsake photo, meh.

Still, every other parent was going cray so I started to feel a little awkward about not caring. I pulled out my phone and when I went to the camera, it said I didn't have any storage left to take a photo. I wasn't surprised. I started deleting indiscriminately. About this time one of the librarians asked if I wanted her to take the picture of The Girl and me with Clifford.

"No," I said deleting faster. "Well, yes."

I was still deleting when she lifted the my phone from my fingertips.

And there, in full glory on my screen, was the photo of the naked butt with the Barbie legs sticking out of it.

The world stopped for at least 3 minutes. I grabbed the phone from her (in slow motion) and shoved it into my purse while stammering:

"IT'S TOO FULL! NO ROOM ON THE PHONE!"

(One of the other librarians took photos using her phone and emailed them to me. Because they are nice family-friendly people and I am some kind of sicko. Anyway, I deleted the Barbie-butt thing again, though I stand behind it as comic genius. It makes me feel a little better knowing that Chuck still has a copy.)